Lately, life has been hectic and crazy. With midterms coming up, and PCN on top of it, I don't know how I've been surviving. Notice how I haven't updated this week? Yep, I got no time in my hands anymore. Im lagging with things right now,thats why I have time to blog. I should be sleeping because I have to wake up dumbass early to go to school for PCN photoshoot. Speaking of, I had the hardest time looking for costume. That's partially why I am so tired like crazy. I searched and searched for 3 days, and didn't even find out till this morning. Hella last minute if you must say. But due to the lack of sleep, and stress on me, I had a break down last night. I thought everything was good with my costumes and got everything I need. Turns out that the dress I got, for hella cheap too, was not the right thing. Had a fuss over my auntie over hella crap because I had nowhere to go from there as I had planned to do homeowrk this morning before going to exploratorium, which is also for school. Also, my parents are in Vegas, so no one can drive me around because both my brothers are always busy. I didn't know what to do anymore. I broke down and cried myself out, simply because I was just tired and didnt know where to place myself and I feel so helpless. I called my mom and woke her up so I can vent. But all she did was yell at me that she can't do anything. Well duh I know that. I just thought that somehow you'd comfort me and tell me that things are gonna be okay. But no, she went and yelled at me that this was all my fault cause I wasn't listening to them in the first place about the clothes. Is it my fault that PCN is so precise with what they want? Mother and auntie even told me to quit the show. Which really, was a choice for me, but hell no. They know how much passion I have for theatre and shows like these, and for them to say that, just killed me. Whatevs. So continued with this drama, I went out taking a chance that my brother, Kuya Brian, wouldn't be busy in the morning and possibly drive me really quick. He then asked me what the hell was wrong, at first yelling. But then I explained and broke down even more. At that point, he pulled me over and just comforted me and offered that he'll drive me, despite already having plans. I was just there in his arms letting it all out and all he did was tell me that things are gonna be okay. Something that he wouldn't usually say. If ya'll know my family, he's usually the serious one, and he's the one I'd always get into bigass fights with being that he's like the dad. But last night, i felt really good knowing that I can still run to my brothers when I am in a meltdown. Really, I jsut realized that last night, and it made me really happy. My brothers and I are pretty close, but when it comes to personal and life problems, I can't really run to them. I guess that's okay, but when circumstances like these, also because of many same circumstances when i had problems with my parents, I know now they will be there for me forever. I realized that they will forever be by my side, staying true, because blood is thicker than water. family first, and I love them as my protectors, brothers, and true friends. But the fact that made me sad is that, I realized that we really drifted apart once time went by and we all got older and have our own lives even when we still live under the same roof. Also, Kuya Brian is getting married in January which means that we will be more seperated now that he will have his own family to worry about. But Im happy forhim, forreal. I missed and will miss a lot of stuff. Kuya Brian and Kuya Jam, thanks for everything, and I mean it. I might not say it, but I love you guys to death. I can't ask for better brothers anyday. <3
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